Sometimes a person's passion for a particular genre or film, no matter how worthy such might be, can become so obnoxious that it leaves all associations unpalatable. Case in point: An individual I know (once perceived as a friend who, in truth, proved a deceitful foe) made me averse to Disney princesses and the like (as well as their hamming antagonists) by shoving them time and again down my throat, along with a sideline insinuation that by accepting them, I'd tap my (ahem) feminine side. (Hey, I'm content being a heterosexual, sigma male with borderline alpha traits. Absolutely nothin' wrong with that, folks. I don't ask others to go against their innate grain. Why shouldn't I be granted the same courtesy?)
In this respect, Disney's stab at Hans Christian Andersen's recalcitrant tale, The Little Mermaid, is no exception in my repertoire of disdain. In fact, the promotional push I endured on this one was far worse than on any others. And mind you, it matters little to me if there are, indeed, intermittent changes/additions hooked into Rob (On Stranger Tides) live-action retelling. By its very nature (its very intent), I still find the flocculent design agitating, again due to the endless exaltation I've swallowed (or make that, choked on) regarding Disney's animated "classic."
And I say this even in light of the movie's reputed "woke" cast, one that, for the most part, captures the rudimentary essence of the 1989 cartoon: Halle Bailey as Ariel (adorned by big eyes, resounding voice and reddish hair), Jonah Hauer-King as Prince Eric, Melissa McCarthy as Ursula, Jacob Trembly as Flounder, Daveed Diggs as Sabastian, Javier Bardem as King Triton; and so on and so forth. Yep, to my eyes/ears, the ensemble does a respectable job with the retread it's been dealt, mirroring characterizations that have irked me ad nauseum for far too long, so on that point, I'll offer no more.
Getting back to my initial rave of associative dislike, I must say there was a time when I told myself that I liked the Disney/Jodi-Benson-led Little Mermaid and even bought several creampuff collectibles to prove my sheepish devotion. Its sugary, Alan Menken/Howard Ashman songs bounced in my head, in particular whenever I felt compelled to kiss a girl, et al, but damn it, I now know better. To paraphrase The Who, you fooled me once, but I won't be fooled again, and yet I still went to see this fetid thing, feeling obliged to review it. (It's a high-profile fantasy flick, after all.)
But as I left the theater, I couldn't help but think I'd have been better off re-watching Curtis Harrington's haunting Night Tide or Agnieszka Smocznska's The Lure, a sexy, cult-horror-musical that redefines Andersen's motive much better than Walt-less Disney has.
It's a damn shame when things like this happen due to personal quirks, but I must be honest regarding my disregard for a redux that I believe shouldn't have been redone even in '89. No matter how it's filleted, a Disney-fied Little Mermaid isn't my dish, and thanks to this (final?) gratuitous nail in the saga's soggy coffin, I can proudly say it shall never be.
An acquaintance informed me that "Kiss the Girl" was altered for the live-action LITTLE MERMAID. I guess I was so numbed sitting through the movie that I didn't notice (didn't hear). Evidently, the tune, as it stood, was (is) considered a form of male aggression. WOW! Oh, how despise this cupcake dictatorship that's upon us! Will this anti-male goofball-ism ever end?
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