I SAW THEY WILL KILL YOU (LET THEM TRY)

If Charade is the Alfred Hitchcock movie that Hitchcock never made, then They Will Kill You (Let Them Try) is the Sam Raimi movie that Raimi never made.

Directed by Kirill (Why Won't You Just Die!) Sokolov, who cowrote with Alex (Predators) Litvak (and coproduced by Andy Muschietti of It fame), They Will Kill You features a sympathetic ex-convict, Asia Reaves, played by Zazie (Joker) Beetz, who ends up employed in a highbrow high-rise called the Virgil, where her sister, Maria, played by Myha'la Herrold, works as a maid. Sounds nice enough, except that the high-rise is run by Satanists, led by Patricia Arquette's creepy Lilith Woodhouse, a surname moniker torn from the forbidding frames of Lucio Fulci.

Despite the Woodhouse (Gates of Hell) reference (interwoven as it is with battle scenes reminiscent of Kill Bill), They Will Kill You still adheres ninety-nine percent of the way to Raimi's swift style and Three Stooges buffoonery, thanks in no small part to its immortality-securing, pig-propped fiends. Accompanying Ms. Woodhouse are such cultist frontrunners as Sharon, played by Heather (Austin Powers II) Graham; Kevin, played by Tom (Rise of the Planet of the Apes) Felton; and Ray, played by Paterson (Timeless) Joseph (Woodhouse's janitor "spouse"), none of whom are normal by any stretch and connected to a coalition that wishes to sacrifice Asia to dear ol' Lucifer. The thing is, Asia will have none of it, whether for herself or her embittered sister. 

Asia acts as a female Ash Williams, though she's not as humorous or bumbling as Bruce Campbell's Evil Dead protagonist. I suppose Asia's incessant resilience could place her in the Mary Sue category, but with the supernatural carnage flying as fast as it does, it's just as easy to go along with the outrageous flow, as opposed to browbeating it out of aesthetic principle. 

Though They Will Kill You does slow down in the middle, it otherwise rolls like a high-paced video game and as such, distinguishes itself from something like the slow-burn, Silent Hill set.

There's nothing too profound about this one. It's just gruesome fun for the sake of gruesome fun: a genuine, popcorn movie if ever there was. As long as one's not seeking Hamlet or Citizen Kane, They Will Kill You can't help but tantalize and in the process, quench one's thirst for good ol' bloody thrills.