I SAW SHIVER ME TIMBERS

Shiver Me Timbers is another entry in Popeye's horror-movie redesign, which has surfaced since E. C. Segar's character entered public domain. 

Written and directed by Paul Stephen (Trance) Mann, the British-based Shiver Me Timbers proclaims to be a true story in its opening narration, but like The Texas Chain Saw, it's far more embellishment than fact, and as far as its fiction goes, it depicts the journey of Amy Mackie's academic-prone Olive Oyl during the 1986 passing of Haley's Comet, which so happens to prompt a simultaneous, meteor shower. The cosmic residue poisons the unwitting Popeye, played by Tony Greer and David Hallows, who play the character at various, developmental stages, transforming the retired sailor (or in this case, fisherman) into a crazed predator.   

Though Shiver Me Timbers is a slasher movie first and foremost (even presenting an affectionate, Betsy Palmer nod early on), its concept recalls such old, mutant favorites as The Beast of Yucca Flats, The Hideous Sun Demon, Track of the Moon Beast, The Amazing Colossal Man, The Incredible Melting Man, The Creeping Unknown and First Man Into Space. Popeye, incidentally, is initially portrayed as a decent, old gent who puffs a pipe and spouts the character's popular lines before his monstrous change.  

As Popeye continues to mutate, Olive and her friends enjoy a campground setup, all within range of the antagonist's wandering wrath. The cast consists of Stephen Corral as Lt. Lang, Paul Dewdney as Homeless Joe, Leona Roberts as Lizzy, Ross Dillan as Trent, Seb Lord as Spike, Murdo Adams as Skit, Yu Heng Li as Monique, Joel McDale as Stevie, Niamh Parrington as Cylinda and Brendon Nelson as Castor Oyle (yep, really, and he's Olive's brother). Whether their actions are serious or off-the-cuff, most of the group swing from lackadaisical to a Marilyn Burns-inspired panic: a wise, melodramatic technique that fits the progressing calamity.   

The kids, however, do get silly at times, thanks to their pot-headed naivety and carnal drives (tropes used in many 1980s, slasher films). Though the movie holds a Herschell Gordon Lewis/Peter Jackson vibe (e.g. the violent, outhouse scene is a sick hoot, and the big, buzzsaw brawl might be more than even Ash Williams could handle), it never reaches the consistent, surreal, Grand Guignol shtick of The Gore Gore Girls or Dead Alive, let alone the more "subdued," wink-and-nudge brutality of Student Bodies, April Fool's Day 1986 or Return to Horror High. Even so, though tradition dictates that the foolish youths be slaughtered in any number of clever ways, when they are struck down, it stings, with horrid outcomes that may exceed most viewers' expectations. 

From what I can gather, Shiver Me Timbers 2 is in the works (maybe even already in the spinach can). It'll be interesting to see where it goes, but I suspect (based on the epilogue) it'll deliver Popeye's mangled mayhem to an urban setting. For now, the standing Shiver Me Timbers can be viewed (along with its creepy counterparts, Popeye the Slayer Man and Popeye's Revenge) on handy Tubi. 

I SAW POPEYE'S REVENGE

Popeye's Revenge isn't a sequel or prequel to Popeye the Slayer Man (despite the poster's implications), but an independent, British re-imagining of E.C. Segar's hero, now a source of public domain and as such, transplanted to the horror genre. 

Directed by William (Children of the Night 2023) Stead and scripted by Harry (Cinderella's Curse) Boxley, the movie pulls inspiration from the backstories of Jason Voorhees, the Penguin (as in Batman Returns) and Cropsy (as in The Burning). 

As with Popeye the Slayer Man, Popeye's Revenge deals with youths attempting to gain fame through Popeye's sordid legend, though in this case via a podcast, followed by plans to turn the sailor's childhood, woodland home into a haunted attraction. For this retelling, Popeye was once an odd, scorned lad, tossed into the river by rash residents, his wee body never found (ahem). 

The energetic cast includes Steven Joseph Murphy as Popeye (aka Johnny), Danielle Scott as Mia, Danielle Ronald as Donna, Eva Ray as Cherry, Karolina (Ugrenyuk) Knight as Kathy, Amanda Jane York as Lora, Kathy DeCouto as Jane, Emily Mogliner as Tara, Oliver Mason as George, Conner Powles as Dylan and Kelly Rian Sanson as good ol' Olive Oyl. (Yes, folks, Olive does appear, and in the fateful time she lingers, she helps push the vengeful plotting.) 

For the record, Murphy's brawny Popeye (with pipe and plenty of spinach to spare) holds the means to influence dreams, ala Freddy Krueger (even if more subdued), but for the most part, Popeye administers a pro-wrestler's hands-on ferocity, so powerful that if he catches you, he'll squeeze your head until your bloody eyes pop! 

The movie's ambiance pervades with a hazy dreaminess, which works in contrast to the killer's grounded attacks: a successful tactic used by Tobe Hooper for the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Many segments are also racy, with a sex scene occurring less than ten minutes in, but lustful, gory unions have long been a staple of the Friday the 13th and Halloween chapters, so their inclusion here only perpetuates their gory, skin-flick legacy. 

Popeye's Revenge is an exploitive throwback for sure, so much so that its public-domain novelty seems secondary to its scarlet-soaked nostalgia. It's sometimes silly, but on the whole, relentless and vicious. At an hour-and-twenty minutes, it also flies by, so dip in for a free-of-charge view on the ever popular Tubi, if you dare to redefine your views on this childhood favorite.  

I SAW POPEYE THE SLAYER MAN

In the trend to transplant public-domain characters into scary scenarios, Popeye the Slayer Man has made its bold debut.

Directed by Robert Michael Ryan and scripted by John Doolan (from a story by Ryan Cuyle Carvin and Jeff Miller), Slayer Man commences like a 1980s, VHS slasher flick (e.g., Edge of the Ax and Unmasked Part 25), the wise-cracking, splattered trail coming via a young man named Dexter, played by Sean Michael Conway, who wants to make a Blair Witch-type documentary about a spectral sailor, portrayed by Jason Robert Stephens, who haunts the derelict Anchor Bay Cannery. Dexter attracts friends, foes and interlopers during his journalistic venture (portrayed by Elena Juliano's Olivia, Mabel Thomas' Katie, Sarah Nicklin's Adrienne, Jeff Thomas' Seth, Angela Lucio's Margot, Steven McCormack's Joe, Scott Swopes' Angus, Joel Formeta's Miguel and Maria Louise Boisnier's Lisa, with Doug Decker doing a variant Crazy Ralph), but by invading the sequestered turf, its salty antagonist is left no recourse but to strike. (Some who die are mutilated right before our eyes, though for the most part, it's just their remains that are put on display to creep us out. Either way, gorehounds should be pleased, and as for the squeamish, they'd be smart to stay away.)

As far as the plot's parenthesizing segments goes, a short-fused CEO, Richard Lounello's Lex Alistair, wants to tear down the dock-relegated factory (its reputation having been tarnished by spinach contamination) to initiate an urban-upgrade scheme, staging the guy as a fleeting (if not misleading), Lee J. Cobb kingpin. Slayer Man, however, is no On the Waterfront, and even when its tensions reach their stormy summit, the violent content remains humble at heart. Therefore, in the eyes of some, Slayer Man may be worth dismissing for its straightforwardness, but its simple formula woven through countless, tried-and-true marauding-maniac fables, only in this instance, it's a cartoon, spinach-fueled, pipe-puffing hero who's been turned against his chipper, moral grain. 

As the movie's antagonist, Steven's Popeye resembles his namesake and utters the expected one-liners, but his embodiment is still in flux. There are times when he invokes Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers and Leatherface, but the slayer's antics could just as well have sprung from Rondo Hatton. In this respect, perhaps a Creeper/Brute Man revival would have proven as viable, considering the movie's many Hatton-esque, outta-the-shadows setups. 

The filmmakers could have also opted for a more-or-less standard take of E.C. Segar's iconic characters, transporting them to a modern platform (as was done with the live-action Fat Albert and The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle), but with the likes of Winne the Pooh: Blood and Honey and Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare hitting the market, the sensationalized slasher path probably seemed more a guaranteed win.

Whether one buys the radical departure, this killer Popeye "is what he is." For those curious about his virulent alteration, the movie is available on Tubi and won't cost any more than one's time, if one's inclined to invest in it. (In my estimation, it certainly can't hurt to give Slayer Man a try.)