I'm Sick and Tired Hearing All Clowns are Evil

I'm sick and tired of hearing all clowns are evil and require expurgation. Every Halloween, it's the same dumbbell song and dance. You know the deal: Don't sell clown masks, suits or any such related accessories (whether they're silly, scary or in between), because clowns frighten children and given the chance, they'd do even worse! Purge 'em! Purge 'em! Purge 'em!

Granted, if a bug-eyed, fang-faced clown popped out of the sewer and tried to seduce me with a balloon bouquet, I'd take issue, and I'd just as well stay clear of those bulbous-headed, cotton-candy-cocooning variants from outer space. The same goes for Sid Haig's cutthroat Captain Spaulding and Batman's Clown Prince of Crime, unless that Joker happens to be Cesar Romero's, in which case his villainy would be all in good-ribbin' fun. (With that said, the Joker's gal, Harley Quinn is just plain sexy, no matter the incarnation or criminality employed. Why fear her, even if she does grasp a humongous hammer? Hit me, baby. I'm willin', able and well, you get the masochistic picture.)  

Now, don't get me wrong: I comprehend the bad press that creeps from the reality-based clown-kind. There's John Wayne Gacy, of course, who peddled himself as a harlequin, but that's because during his heinous reign kids generally didn't fear clowns. They had no reason to, unless they were overly timid of things lurid and offbeat. Gacy's costume was potential bait, and on that obvious basis wasn't meant to unhinge. It instead camouflaged Gacy's inherent monster. His horrid legacy is what makes his alter ego, Pogo, so nightmarish, not his garish, party attire. 

Regardless of the unsavory, aforementioned details, I adore clowns. I grew up with Ronald McDonald and Bozo, for cryin' out loud. As a kid, I also dug the great Lon Chaney's interpretations: not because I ever found them funny, but rather that the woeful glint in their eyes pulled at my heartstrings. At the same time, I held a keen interest in Happy the Clown and Clarabell, even if I lacked complete access to their archived footage. (Heck, the latter eventually had a substantial role on the '70s revival of "The Howdy Dowdy Show", not to mention a terrific "Happy Days" episode.) In addition, a clown performed at my local library when I was about seven, and I had a grand ol' time; and when I was four or so, my grandmother took me to meet the clowns at a visiting circus, barging into their dressing chamber, no less. Despite the outburst, those fellas were kind: just guys in make-up, doing their thing for laughs, you see. Even as a wee lad, I got the concept. 

Still not finding validity in my point? Well, look at it this way: Folks are cool with Tim Curry prancing about as Dr. Frankenfurter, who always struck me as more of a clown than a Transylvanian transvestite, and perhaps that's the reason he was later cast as Pennywise. If Frankenfurter is acceptable in popular culture (and he darn well should be), why not some endearing, hobo-ish figure like Emmett Kelly? (For the record, a Kelly portrait hung on my prepubescent, bedroom wall, along with a generic, Bozo-ish clown, both of which my father jigsawed from wood because he suspected they'd please me, and for many a fine year, they sure did and then some.)

The collective vilification of clowns is crapola of the highest, stinkin' order. Come now, what decent culture permits judgmental buffoons to force stores to strip clown stuff from their shelves or worse yet, outright bans clowns from celebrations? Bolderdash!

Say, here's an idea: Why don't these passive-aggressive dewdrops promote the sale of Nazi uniforms and Hitler mustaches instead? Shoot, employ such militant mascots for their kids' parties while they're at it. Really, why not? Clown detractors are as freakin' knuckleheaded as those goosesteppin', dictatorial types, anyway, so let the sick, symbolic accouterments mirror their asinine demands. 

To quote Stan Lee, "'Nuff said".