Disney's The Fantastic 4: First Steps, directed by Matt Shakeman and scripted by Josh Friedman, Eric Pearson, Jeff Kaplan and Ian Springer, sure looks swell in its alternate-track, early-1960s, Mad Men-ish mode. As for the rest of it, well, that's another story.
It's one thing to dress a commodity in nostalgic clothing, but without that age-old heart and soul, without the bloody foundation respected, the result falls flat, in particular if its traditional traits have been rendered obsolete in the name of PC.
And the problem isn't with the cast, for we get a solid enough queue: Pedro Pascal as Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic, Joseph Quinn as Johnny Storm/the Human Torch (the latter two headliners in Gladiator II), Vanessa Kirby as Susan Storm/the Invisible Woman, Eban Moss Bachrach as Ben Grimm/the Thing, Matthew Wood as the robotic Herbie, Paul Michael Hauser as Harvey Elder/Mole Man, Julia Garner as Shalla-Bal/the Silver Surfer and Ralph Ineson as "the universal force," Galactus. (Good ol' John Malkovich's Red Ghost was cut from the film. Considering the way things turned out, maybe it's just as well.)
Regarding the prime four, matters do often slip (surprise, surprise) from the "norm". Mr. Fantastic is still presented as a genius, but one who rarely stretches beyond his blackboard; the Invisible Woman is quite visible (more of a pulsator than a Jack Griffin), enacting diplomatic coldness over warmth; the Thing is ashamed to utter his catch phrase, "It's clobberin' time," now a lumbering lug instead of a powerhouse who'd go toe to toe against the Incredible Hulk; and last but in no way least, the Human Torch is no longer a wise-cracking, sports-car enthusiast who chases girls, though he does have a passing interest in the androgynous Surfer; go figure. (Disney has publicized the latter caveat ad nauseum, as if this neutering is good and long overdue; Heaven forbid a young guy behave like a young guy in the annals of modern moviedom.)
On a positive note, the sense of family pervades, but this isn't the family I've come to know, i.e. the clan that Jack Kirby and Stan Lee created. Why the need to bend the slant? I mean, if something ain't broke ... , but making things broke in the age of woke seems a perplexing, continued trend, despite how so many examples underperform at the box office.
On another (somewhat) positive note, the plot does keep things clear, adhering to a marginal, Marvel mythology: The towering Galactus heads to Earth, introducing himself through the Surfer, leaving the big four to seek ways to save the day, but with a catch. Galactus wants the Reeds' infant, Franklin (Ada Scott), to guide the child's first steps (get it?), since the lad holds certain special yet undefined powers. Nothin' too complicated or unreasonable (and sometimes the setup even gets downright stirring, thanks to Michael Giachino's angelic score), but again, if the core is bruised (if it's rendered to alter what's come before), the wonderment goes right out the door.
I've had my fill of being told that I'm the odd man out, that I'm the bad man, the wrong man by arrogant decision makers and their out-of-touch puppets who enforce their correctionist views. Because of their antics, Fantastic 4 2025 betrayed me, and we're talking about a movie based on a franchise (comics, cartoons and so on) that I've appreciated since childhood. This family means something to me, but just like Star Wars, the stuffed-shirt "intellectuals" had to go and muck it up. Thanks for nothing, you inconsiderate bums. (And I don't care what anyone says: Fantastic Four 2015 is an unmitigated, aesthetic win compared to this. It's a sin it wasn't allowed to flourish, let alone enter the X-Men realm.) As fate now has it, we're dealt this cod-liver-oil knockoff to carry the torch (ahem). We'll see if it can, and if it can, how will it impact the MCU's forward stride?
